Freak Green Screen Accident Leaves Weatherman Disfigured

PORTLAND, OR — Tragedy struck last night as thousands of viewers watched live, when a freak accident left local TV news weatherman Alphonso Matte severely disfigured. An as-yet-undetermined malfunction with the station’s green screen technology, used to create the illusion that a weatherperson is standing in front of an animated display, is believed to be responsible.

The injured weather anchor was quickly rushed to the hospital by EMTs, who were able to stabilize his condition. Sometime early this morning, surgeons concluded with their final cut, pro-ceeding the weatherman along in his long journey of dealing with the after effects.

“This kind of thing really wipes a person out. It will be some time before he transitions back to being on-screen. For now, he needs his rest, and to regain his composure. We see some traveling in Matte’s future,” the resident Chief of Surgery reported.

In addition to physical disfigurement, Matte is also likely to suffer a loss of digital dexterity. For his own safety, and to aid in the healing process, his range of motion is temporarily locked-down — but in the future, it is believed he will reacquire a greater degree of synchronized motion control. Doctors believe that, when he does return to work, he will have to use a field monitor to be aware of the positioning of his hands in relation to the animated weather display.

Although the cause and nature of the accident that injured Matte is still unknown, OSHA has composited a special precautionary workplace advisory to all local network television stations, in effect advising them to replace their green screens with either a blue or an orange screen. Although somewhat of a super-imposition, visual effects experts believe that this measure is — in combination with a patch for video editing systems running Google Chrome — a key step, with the goal being to eliminate the green screen altogether, and replace it with something a bit more substantial.

We are told that Matte has received the news of his condition with an attitude worthy of an Academy Award, though he hopes that his moment in front of the green screen yesterday will not develop such that he becomes overly-saturated with the wrong kind of media exposure.