ARTISANAL PRESS — Oklahoma Congressional challenger Tim Murray is contesting the results of the primary election in his state, on the grounds that the seated incumbent is not human. More importantly than that, Murray has publicly — and brazenly — promised to his constituents that, if elected to office himself, he will never willingly be replaced by any sort of artificial intelligence or robotic look-alike.
It’s a bold proclamation, in this modern age of automation. And, it’s one promise that the competition — the so-called Frank Lucas — can’t match.
That’s because, according to Murray, Lucas — the real Lucas — was executed by the World Court, in Ukraine, more than three years ago. The GOP used its considerable financial largesse to have the story completely erased from the liberal media, enabling the Republican party to quietly replace Lucas with an identical robot body-double — manufactured in a secret factory at the center of the Earth, by Satan-worshipping space aliens.
That Satanic space-robot has been representing the people of the third district of Oklahoma ever since.
Though the recent election is already over, Murray is nevertheless now running for state Congress against the Lucas robot. Murray’s platform is one of return to strong traditional conservative values — values, such as not using one of Satan’s body-double robots to fill out the rest of a deceased representative’s term.
Beyond his strong moral stance against android look-alikes, Murray also has promised clear and unambiguous leadership on other modern scientific matters, such as maintaining the purity of the human genome against shapeshifting assassins from another dimension. A passage from Murray’s campaign web site reads, “Congress is likely wanting me to state that all my DNA used will not result in benefits to people I have never had relations with of a family nature.”
Not to worry. “I have been bound to protect that information unless it causes harm to The People,” Murray solemnly vows, as one of his many election promises.
Murray’s tenure as an ambassador includes many such examples of strong leadership. In the 1970s, he personally thwarted a high-level conspiracy to implant Satan’s microchips into the bodies of every single American. More recently, in 2013, he single-handedly brokered an interstellar treaty to outlaw the non-consentual abduction of humans by alien beings.
“June 24, I need your vote,” Murray implores, campaigning for a decisively human victory in a quite non-existant recall election.
Indeed, it takes more than one man alone to topple our robotic overlords. “The vote cannot be overlooked by the Judicial Branch,” explains Murray’s election web site. “However the vote must be there and in order to be heard as the will of The People and not cast-off [emphasis added].”