Review: the “Citizen Kane” Smoking Game

We’re not going to lie. Playing this game got us high as shit.

PORTLAND, OR — The rules are simple. You pack up a bowl. You watch Citizen Kane. And every time someone says “rosebud,” you take a hit.

It’s the kind of game that takes only a minute to learn, but a lifetime to get enough of.

For our review, we took it one step further. We went to Natural Wonders, and procured a tin of Rosebud, a high-CBD strain of marijuana grown by Green Source Gardens. (No, this isn’t sponsored content, but if it were, there’d be a lot more of it… hint, hint!)

We’re not going to lie. Playing this game got us high as shit.

Probably because there’s somebody saying “rosebud” every five seconds in this movie.

We’re not sure if this movie was meant to be a laugh-out-loud riotfest, but it sure as hell was for us — even if we did have to read the Wikipedia page the next day to figure out what we had just watched.

Central to the movie is the mystery behind Charles Foster Kane’s final, dying word: “rosebud.” Some viewers accept that, at face-value, “rosebud” was a reference to the titular character’s childhood sled; essentially, his deathbed remembrance of the loss of his innocence — perhaps, even the last time he can recall being truly happy. Others claim that “rosebud” was a nickname that turn-of-the-century newspaper magnate William Randolph Hearst gave to his favorite part of his mistress’, ahem, anatomy; and that the entire film was an open & blatantly satirical attack designed by auteur Orson Welles to embarrass Hearst — who did, in fact, ban all of his newspapers from even mentioning the movie.

Indeed, Kane was portrayed as playing Hearst’s historic role in using his media powers to dupe the population into supporting the Spanish-American War; the event which coined the term, “yellow journalism.” We know this because it was one the few parts of the movie where the reporter dude isn’t saying “rosebud” so rapidly that it would give us bronchial spasms.

All in all, our reviews for Citizen Kane, the Citizen Kane smoking game, and the Rosebud bud itself, can all best be summed up thus: