ARTISANAL PRESS — Although many questions linger in the aftermath of a standoff between a rancher family and the Federal Bureau of Land Management in Nevada last week, one thing is certain — nobody knows more about what happened, and why, than people on Facebook who read a lot of soft commentary-oriented news from popular partisan blogs.
PORTLAND, OR — Multnomah county web servers are experiencing extremely high traffic volume, as nearly 100% of the population of Portland is attempting to pay the arts tax at the exact same time. The system administrator for the county believes that everyone likely remembered to pay at the last minute.
PORTLAND, OR — Great tastes are afoot at Voodoo Doughnuts, as the popular local confectionary — located downtown at SW 3rd & Ankeny — publishes Facebook photos of a new limited-edition treat, commemorating Mrs. Clinton’s appearance in Portland.
PORTLAND, OR — If seeing is believing, then there is no denying that — right this very minute — the moon is being devoured by some kind of giant space-faring creature. As of the time of publication of this article, almost nothing is left of the Earth’s largest natural satellite. All that remains visible to us is a vague, moon-shaped splatter of blood, hanging high above us in the sky as unmistakeable evidence of cosmicide.
ARTISANAL PRESS — Last week, internet cloud service provider Dropbox announced that former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, an alumni of the George W. Bush administration, would be joining the company’s Board of Directors. The news prompted an immediate online backlash, leading to a wide-spread boycott, organized — complete with web site — under the hashtag: #DropDropbox.
PORTLAND, OR — It’s another dazzlingly sunny April day here in Portland, OR — and as if that’s not strange enough, the locals are abuzz over a sense of normalcy that has descended upon the city, permeating almost everything. “It’s almost like this is just a regular, nice day,” shrugs Abby Ordinaire, a lifelong Oregonian enjoying an afternoon stroll past the Salmon Springs fountain.
ARTISANAL PRESS — This, after a long series of other popular Google services have similarly been de-activated, to the dismay of consumers — whether by outright shut-down, or by means of a sudden change to a service’s once-popular interface that sufficiently signals to consumers that Google is tired of being in the business of providing said service. Such popular services as Google Reader, Google Sync, Google Checkout, Google Commerce Search, and Google Dominatrix have all had their plugs pulled in recent years, leading some consumers to question if Google’s transition to a publicly-traded company has impacted the company’s values.
PORTLAND, OR — It’s that magical time of the election season that you’ve all been waiting for! The sun has come out to shine — and, in similar fashion, the Portland Business Alliance has smiled upon us from above, beaming down a list of names that they would like for us to vote for in the upcoming May local elections.
PORTLAND, OR — Almost every single day now, it seems, we read in the news about another honest-to-God patriotic cornfed American business owner being raked over the coals for their personal beliefs that homosexuals should be legally treated as second-class citizens. After a while, there’s only one conclusion that any reasonable member of privileged society can reach: we’re under attack from the gays.